Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Week 13 - Rants & Ranks

It’s Week 13 of the NFL season. That means that by now, we have a pretty good idea of the teams that have the best shot to win it all, the ones that have at least a mediocre chance at playoff glory, and those that have no chance.

It also means that by now, I’ve started to figure some stuff out, just in time to make a valiant comeback attempt in my weekly picks. I was 10-6 last week, and if the Giants had any idea how to play a fourth quarter, I would have been 11-5. I‘m 82-87-7 on the year, with 90 more games to be played over the final five weeks. I can go 90-0, right?

Onto this week’s ranks…

1. Indianapolis (1): I’m getting bored with the Colts. Can’t we just start the playoffs now so they can choke and get it over with?

2. Baltimore (3): I’m terrified of this team right now if I’m Indy, New England or San Diego. They’ve got no pressure and low expectations, and the best defense in the game. Scary.

3. San Diego (2): Just not all that impressed with a come from behind seven-point win against the Raiders.

4. New England (5): Statement game of the year last week against the Bears. Of course, the fact that they turned the ball over five times and still beat the Chicago defense means the statement might be “Better lucky than good…”

5. Dallas (6): Still pissed I didn’t get Romo & Glenn into my fantasy lineup in time. Cost myself a win, a weekly league high score, and my sanity for the past five days.

6. Chicago (4): Same six teams atop the ranks this week, just a different order. That’s what happens when five of six win, and the only loss in the group is to one of the five winners.

7. Kansas City (13): Awful big jump in the ranks this week. They beat the pre-season favorite to win the division and make the conference title game, and moved into a Wild Card spot in the process. Maybe Larry Johnson really is that good…

8. Cincinnati (17): Either I had a lot of teams ranked too low last week, or the age of parity in the NFL is the most maddening thing in history. I vote for the latter.

9. Seattle (12): They need to hope Matt Hasslebeck works himself back up to game speed really fast. And that he didn’t break his hand last night. On the plus side, at least now they know they can win in the snow…

10. New Orleans (14): Still not sure what to make of this team. I think when it’s all said and done, they’ll be the first Wild Card in the NFC, but they’ll also lose their first playoff game.

11. Jacksonville (8): Like anybody knows what these guys are capable of right now. Good luck classifying them – they’re a first round playoff blowout waiting to happen. Just not sure which end of the scoreboard they’ll be on.

12. Denver (9): The only reason they didn’t drop further is that they finally figured out that Jake Plummer is not the answer. About damned time Jay Cutler got some snaps. You drafted the kid for a reason.

13. Carolina (7): Jacksonville & Carolina, two teams that entered the league in the same year, currently have the same problem – no one knows which team is going to show up any give Sunday. The one that can dominate both sides of the ball, or the one that plays down to the level of their opponents.

14. Miami (19): I refuse to believe that a team led by Joey Harrington will make the playoffs. But if they keep up the defensive effort, they might prove all those people (like me) who picked them to win a Wild Card spot right. Not to mention proving all those people (like me) who wrote them off after Week Four completely wrong.

15. New York Jets (20): Kind of a package deal – I’m not sure who wins in a game between the Dolphins & Jets right now. By the way; I can only imagine the reaction you’d have gotten from a New Yorker – any New Yorker – if before the season started, you told them the Jets would be the better team after 11 games.

16. St. Louis (22): They won five straight, lost five straight, now they’ve started a new winning streak. By my math, they should end the year at 10-6, and lose their first playoff game. Of course, my math skills suck.

17. Buffalo (23): Just a week or two ago, I was calling the AFC East the worst division in the NFL. Not that I think Miami, Buffalo or the Jets have legitimate Super Bowl aspirations this year, but they’ve got to be better than any NFC division, right?

18. New York Giants (10): I stand by my comment for the Giants from last week

19. Atlanta (16): It’s a sad day when a star quarterback gets criticized for throwing for under 100 yards, no touchdowns, and the flipping the bird to the fans in his home stadium… Don’t star QB’s get a free pass for life? Like Drew Bledsoe, Jake Plummer, or Daunte Culpepper?

20. San Francisco (15): OK, so their stay in the top-half of the rankings was short lived. So was their stay in the world of the “Not Below-.500 Teams”. It’s the memories that count.

21. Philadelphia (11): Boy this team is in trouble. Jeff Garcia is not going to get it done. Welcome back AJ Feeley…

22. Tennessee (25): Yup, the Titans officially own the NFC East. They’ve got four wins this year - @ Washington, Houston, @ Philly, and the Giants game last week.

23. Pittsburgh (18): Are they mathematically eliminated from playoff contention yet? I cannot take another week of listening to Chris Berman say “You never know… a few breaks here and there…”

24. Cleveland (21): Another one of these teams that seems to be in every game until the final few minutes. Except last week. They never really had a shot in that one. It was over shortly after kickoff.

25. Minnesota (29): At this point, jumping four spots in the ranks really means very little. I guess it’s a moral victory.

26. Washington (30): Remember how I said Jason Campbell can’t win games? Well, he proved me wrong, at least for now. I’m sure my words acted as some serious bulletin board material for him – he’s probably a dedicated reader.

27. Oakland (26): I know – they hung tough with one of the top three teams before losing (and really, they got screwed by the refs), and yet I’m only raising them one spot. Very simple – I hate the Raiders.

28. Green Bay (24): Ah… there’s the Brett Favre we’ve all come to know, love, and expect to see every week. Back to forcing passes into triple coverage, then acting surprised when they get intercepted. It’s almost like Eli Manning is watching Packers’ game tapes, saying things like “Someday, maybe they’ll call me one of the greatest of all-time too…”

29. Arizona (31): It physically pains me to raise the Cardinals this high, but I think they could easily beat any of the other three teams on a neutral field. That’s not saying much, but at least it’s something.

30. Houston (27): The Jets are not a powerhouse team, Houston. You really ought to have been able to at least stay competitive with them…

31. Tampa Bay (28): This is a bad, bad team right now. And even though I think the Lions could beat them outright…

32. Detroit (32): I cannot bring myself to reward Detroit for the shit they pulled (#3… bottom of the page) with Joey Harrington and the Dolphins in town on Thanksgiving. You stay classy, Detroit

Lata.

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