So, a lot has been happening in the world of sports over the last couple of weeks, meaning that I’ve had a lot on my plate to deal with.You all know what that means… it’s time for me to ramble for 4000 words or so in another installment of my “Random Thoughts”…

-Are the Chiefs the best 0-2 team in the NFL right now?I gotta think they are, since they can drop 40 on anybody, anywhere, anytime.Well, as long as they don’t lose Priest for an extended period of time...

-Has Gary Payton retired officially yet, or is he just waiting to for the election to see whether taxes will be higher in California (Republican) or Massachusetts (Democrat)?

-I think the Patriots are lucky to be 2-0 right now, after the way they played against Indy and the way the offense, aside from Corey Dillon, kinda mailed in the second half against Arizona.Good thing the defense is so strong.

-I KNOW the Red Sox will be lucky to see the second round of the playoffs, the way the past week has looked.Although the bats woke up just a bit Monday night, the pitching had better come around, and fast, or else this team has no shot of overtaking the Yankees, and that will probably be enough to send me over the edge…

-Of course, that is assuming that the Yankees can figure out a way to beat Johan Santana twice in a five game series.I’m actually not too disappointed about the Red Sox looking like they’re going to get the wild card and face the A’s, who they’ve dominated this year, or the Angels, which will be a pretty even matchup, rather than having to deal with Santana.The guy is pitching out of his mind right now (12-0 since the ASB, 200+ K’s, 79 HITS!! His September numbers aren't too shabby either: 4-0, 29 IP, 15 hits, 41 K's, two walks, 0.00 ERA.)

-I think that all bands, no matter how insignificant, need to have a name.Unless, of course, being unnamed is part of their gimmick.Then they should only cover Prince tunes. (BTW: Kurtopalooza II = Great, even if the feedback made some songs inaudible.And I have to give credit to Vinny for coining Kurtopalooza, lest he IM me incessantly for the next three days about using his term without proper credit…)

-Word problem: If you pitch to me in consecutive at-bats in a corporate softball game, and I hit both pitches a combined 720+ feet (including one into a completely different field), how many at-bats would it take for you to figure out that walking me might not be such a bad plan? (Yeah, I’ll admit, I’m bragging here, but after tagging those two as much as I did, I think I deserve to...)

-Just talked to my boy Jay on the Nextel for awhile.Highlight of the conversation: my comment that “if I ever win the lottery, I’m gonna try and get season tickets to Fenway, something right near the visitor’s dugout so I can heckle the hell out of them. Maybe I can even get a chair thrown at me…”

-Here’s a great note from a baseball writer that I respect very much, Mr. Jayson Stark.Back in late June or early July, I forget exactly when, the Red Sox acquired Jimmy Anderson from the Cubs for a prospect and player to be named later.About two weeks ago, they sent the player to be named later to the Cubs.That player?Jimmy Anderson.So, in essence, Mr. Anderson was just traded for himself and a prospect.Personally, I have to believe that was about the most even trade of all time.

-I could not hear about this without putting it into a column.Ever wonder why some football players are just better suited for the NFL than a normal, 9-5 office job?Take a look at a webpage created by Jacksonville Jaguars’ star QB Byron Leftwich while he was at Marshall University.Now, as a point of reference, take a look at this site created by some fourth grader...Hell, for that matter, take a look at this site by some fledgling sportswriter!

-If the Red Sox, and for that matter, the Cardinals and Cubs, don’t make a series World Series push, at least one of the three is going to be a far different team next year.Between the three, they have the following big-name free agents: Pedro Martinez, Jason Varitek, Orlando Cabrera, Matt Morris, Moises Alou, Edgar Renteria, Aramis Ramirez, Derek Lowe, Mike Matheny, Pokey Reese, and word has it that the Cubs might be shopping Sammy Sosa.Yikes.

-The Panthers upset of the Chiefs without Steven Davis and Steve Smith is one of the worst losses I’ve seen in the NFL in recent memory.It ranks with the Cardinals’ Hail Mary to knock the Vikings out of the playoffs and John Carney’s missed extra point after the miracle “multiple laterals” with no time on the clock to tie the game, both from last season.The Chiefs (maybe they really are “The Chefs”) should be ashamed of themselves.Great googly-moogly…

-If the Mets don’t resign Kris Benson, or if Victor Zambrano continues to be the same pitcher he’s always been (overpowering, no control… sounds like a perfect Met), then the trades they made at the deadline might rank with “Heathcliff Slocumb for (minor-leaguers) Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek” as some of the worst ever made.Vinny, Dom, Andy, and the other Mets fan out there (there can’t be more than one at this point), before you crucify me, I realize that “Babe Ruth for cash” is still worse, but it wasn’t a trade, it was a sale.Not that that helps my cause any…

-The NHL owners are moving quickly to end this lockout business, already threatening to bring in the union busters to expedite the process of getting the 04-05 season underway.Better be some big busters, since hockey players almost never go down without a fight.

-I would like to thank the referees in the Minnesota/Philadelphia game Monday night for single-handedly giving me victory in two of my fantasy football leagues.I have Terrell Owens in two different Yahoo! leagues, and his “Touchdown” reception gave me enough points to win a head-to-head matchup in one and the overall points lead in the other.Incidentally, both wins came at the expense of Jay.Sorry bud.

-Actually, the highlight of my Nextel conversation with Jay was when he told me that had Owens’ catch been ruled incomplete, as it clearly was, he would’ve beaten me by 0.12 points in the head-to-head league.Somedays, I love Mike Tice.

-David Ortiz just hit his 40^th homer of the 2004 baseball season, giving him a current line of .295/40/130 with an OBP/SLG/OPS of .372/.597/.969.I want to congratulate Vinny on his (SOBER) preseason prediction that Ortiz’s last season was nothing more than a fluke and a result of steroid use, and that this season, he’d be lucky to have numbers half as good as ’03.Dead on there chief, great call...

-As this baseball season winds down, I think the following about next season:

-Barry Bonds will pass Babe Ruth on or about May 15^th (although July 15^th – 7/15 – would be perfect...), and will once again break his own walks record, as no one will want to be the one to give up #756.

-The baseball that becomes Bonds’ 715^th will end up in the water and command more than $1M at auction.

-The Indians will pass the Twins and take over the AL Central.

-The Devil Rays will sign at least one big free agent pitcher and make a wild card run.

-The Red Sox will miss the playoffs.

-The Mets will be in the N.L. East basement, again.

-The Padres will win the N.L.West.

-The Expos will still be without a permanent home.

-Vlad Guerrero will continue to be the best player you’ve never seen.

-Barring injury, Barry Bonds will end the season no more than 5 home runs short of Hank Aaron, and retire immediately, regardless of 2006’s guaranteed money.

-The Yankees will not win the World Series.

-The Phillies will not win the N.L. East.The Braves, somehow, will.

-The Reds will be relegated to the N.L. Central basement, as the Pirates and Brewers get young and good at the same time.

-Ken Griffey Jr. will play between 70-90 games before getting hurt again and, sadly (almost to the point of being unfair) calling it quits.

-Carlos Beltran and Pedro Martinez will command the highest salaries on the free agent market, and neither will end up in pinstripes (Thank God).

-Finally, I’ve decided that I want to play in a live poker tournament again this year; I just simply can’t afford it.So I’m putting out the call to my friends and loyal reader.Those of you who have seen the end of the WSOP (stop reading now if you haven’t) know that Greg Raymer took home the $5 million first prize.But he also sold off percentages of any winnings he might make in order to pay his entry fee into the event, about 40% to be exact.I’m doing the same thing, just for more shares.There are currently satellite tournaments being held at Foxwoods for the WPT event in mid-November.Entry fee is $1,050.Usually top 8 people get an entry into the $10,000 buy-in main event, which is expected to have a top prize this year of about $1.5 million.I am looking for 7 friends to put up $100 each for a 1/10 share each in any money I might make. I’ll cover the other $350.C’mon people, together, we can do it, and if I cash, you all get paid!

Fun little stories for this past week or so…

OK, if you have read my personal weblog entry from Monday, then you may have already read this, but I’m copying it here for those that haven’t…

So my dogs woke me up because they had to go out. I got up and wandered aimlessly around my room for a couple of minutes, trying to find the light switch and a pair of pants (not necessarily in that order).

It was about 35 degrees outside, so I rushed to get dressed warmly enough to take them out. I didn’t take the time to put glasses on or contacts in. As I walked to my kitchen, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a little brown lump on my kitchen floor.

"Aw hell… which one of you shit on the floor?!"

I grabbed Tucker by the collar, assuming it was him, since he was the one who was crying to go outside.

Now, normally, when I grab one of them for any reason, ESPECIALLY to yell at them for something, they fight back and go totally limp. But Tucker eagerly came with me, which should have been my first clue.

As we got to the lump, and as I was about to yell at him, the lump jumped about 6 inches to the left, making me jump about 4 feet to the right.

"OK, either I’m still dreaming, or that little pile of shit just hopped across the floor…."

I ran upstairs and got my glasses, and when I came back down, I realized that the "little pile of shit" was actually a frog that had gotten into my house to stay warm.

This is how my Monday starts…

Second, my boy Tex just came back into Boston about a month ago to begin working on his Masters.We went golfing 2 weeks ago with Jay, and had one hell of a time driving all around eastern Massachusetts looking for a course without a three-hour wait.Tex has never been one to bust out with good one-liners, but after we stopped for coffee and food at a local Dunkin’ Donuts, he came up with two great ones.Keep in mind, he was drinking a coffee and eating a croissant in my back seat…

“What is it about the French and their food?I mean, do you have to get your ass kicked a few times every century in order to make your pastries taste great…?”

While that one made me smile for a while, this one had me laughing out loud.We started discussing classes and college in general:

“Yeah, I was going to take two foreign languages, French and German.I was hoping that halfway through the semester, I could try to get the French class to surrender to the German class…”

Glad to have you back Tex.

And finally, some feedback – Imagine that, people actually reading my column and telling me about it!I feel like an actual writer now, especially since no one had anything good to say about my work...

Anyway, during Kurtopalooza II, a girl (whose name I am completely blanking on right now, so I apologize if you’re reading this) approached me right before my second song.She wanted to say that she had read my column a few times, and that I was waaaaay too pessimistic about the Red Sox.My response?“I’m a realist, but thanks for reading.”I’m not sure if it’s good or bad that I’m getting recognized in public now for my column.She was a friend of a friend, meaning that at least I am getting passed along...

Secondly, The Shroom (among others) getting on my case about my claim last week that I am a genius.I knew when I wrote it that I was going to catch a lot of shit for saying it, but I chose to do so anyway.It helped make my point – not that I am better than or could even compete with Ken “The Jeopardy Guy” Jennings, but that I am glad he has lost so that if I ever get on the show, I won’t have to.Some people got the point, some missed it, and looking back at the way I wrote it, it’s easy to understand why.My mistake - poor phrasing.

And finally, although the subscription numbers don’t reflect it (It’s like a five-minute signup process, and it’s FREE!Your second favorite 4-letter “F-word” – my 3^rd favorite behind food and, well, you know...) I am very glad to know that people are still reading this column.I’m approaching a full year of writing, about 5 weeks away.Anybody have any ideas for a celebratory column?I’ve got one topic in mind, but I can always listen to suggestions.I’m thinking of making my bi-annual pilgrimage to New Jersey around the same time, so perhaps a weekend gala anniversary bash is in order.October 23rd will be 365 days, and although I know there are already at least four things to celebrate that week, (3 birthdays and something called Halloween...) let’s make it five.

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Onto football.Last week was not my best showing, as I went 9-7.Damn the Raiders for letting the Bills back into the game.Overall, I’m 17-14-1, which I guess isn’t horrible.I went 8-8 in my office pool to drop me to 4^th in the group at 19-13, 4 games back.Anyway, this week it all changes.And you know why?Because the Pats have a bye, so I can actually play for real!

There are a lot of crazy lines this week (Current as of Wednesday, September 22, 2004 at 9PM); almost every game falls into my “never lay more than 5.5” rule...

Steelers (+1) over DOLPHINS: Has Vegas still not figured out that the Dolphins offense is BRUTAL?Seriously, which casino owner does Dave Wannestedt have pictures of?Yeah, their defense is good, but they haven’t been challenged yet.No way they pull this out – they just lost to the Bengals for Christ’s sake...

Jaguars (+6) over TITANS:You all know how I feel about Jacksonville by now.I should have gone with my gut and taken them to cover against the Broncos, but I couldn’t do it.Sooner or later, I’ll listen to instinct.Or maybe I’ll just check in on Byron Leftwich’s webpage for inspiration.

GIANTS (-3) over Browns:The Browns look like they’re going to be this year’s Cardinals; a very bad team that overachieves some weeks just enough to make me want to hop on the betting bandwagon.Can’t do it – not in New York, and not with the Jersey crew in town for the weekend...

Ravens (-3) over BENGALS:The Bengals did look good against Miami last week, but Baltimore is the team to beat in the North.Until any of the other teams can prove that they can beat Baltimore consistently (Cleveland was a fluke), I’m still picking the Ravens to take the division.

Texans (+8) over CHIEFS:Not that the Chiefs are going to start 0-3, but the Texans have got to be mad at themselves by now.They opened with San Diego and Detroit – who knew they’d also open with an 0-2 record?

Saints (+7) over RAMS:Maybe this is the year the Saints get rid of the schizoid personality, maybe this is the year Aaron Brooks learns to hold onto the ball, maybe this is the year that New Orleans get to celebrate a Super Bowl with familiar faces playing in it... or maybe this is just the year the Rams get old.

Bears (+9) over VIKINGS:I’m really torn on this pick, because the Bears are coming off an emotional high and the Vikings are on a big time low.But then again, it’s 9 points, and the Vikes have no really running game to speak of (trust me, I know.I drafted Onterrio Smith...)

Eagles (-5) over LIONS:The Lions, like the Jaguars, are not the most surprising 2-0 team thus far to me (Atlanta – figured them to start slow).But the Eagles have just been overpowering in their two wins, easily beating the Giants, then cruising to the win over Minny thanks to the aforementioned referees’ call and Mike Tice non-challenge.They’ll start 3-0, and inspire columnists nationwide to predict a Pats / Eagles Super Bowl immediately.

Cardinals (+10) over FALCONS:Ugh.Do I have to pick a Cardinals game?Can’t I just take a push and call it even?Fine, I say they get blown out.They’ll probably only lose by 3 or 4 now...

Chargers (+10) over BRONCOS:How the hell are there two 10-point spreads in the same week as a 9 and an 8?These two teams aren’t that far apart in talent, but the Broncos D and QB gives them an edge.Not a 10-point edge, mind you, but an edge.

COLTS (-6) over Packers: I’m really looking forward to watching this game, although I know it probably won’t be shown around here.God I miss Sunday Ticket.Anyway, Indy looked awful good bouncing back in the game last week, while the Packers absolutely rolled over and played dead against the Bears.Indoors, early in the year, it’s safe to bet against Brett Favre.But that won’t last.

Niners (+10.5) over SEAHAWKS:Goddamn, another 10-pointer?!?What happened this week in Vegas, was there an explosion or something I wasn’t aware of?Have they lost all satellite feeds into and out of the city?San Francisco is bad, yes, but the Seahawks, although they are everyone’s Cinderella pick (well, not mine) to make the Super Bowl, they have shown signs of weakness.Most notably, Shawn Alexander’s knee trouble.If he goes down, they have NO ONE to fill in for him.

RAIDERS (-3) over Bucs:This one is gonna be ugly.Not Jets/Chargers ugly, (should have been a 17+ point Jets win...) but ugly.The Raiders looked good against a very tough Bills defense last week, and the Bucs did not look good against the Seahawks.They have yet to score a TD through the air, and their once unstoppable defense looks mediocre, at best.They’re done.

REDSKINS (-3.5) over Cowboys: Ahhh, the rivalry anew.This will be a fun game to watch, if only to count the number of times Al Michaels and John Madden draw parallels between Bill Parcells and Joe Gibbs’ coaching careers.As for the teams, Dallas isn’t going anywhere with Vinny “300 yards and 3 picks” Testaverde leading them, and Washington is switching to Patrick Ramsey, who I thought should have been the starter all along.Mark Brunell is old and tired.Give the kid a shot.

Byes: Patriots/Jets/Bills/Panthers

Recap: Steelers / Jaguars / GIANTS / Ravens / Texans / Saints / Bears / Eagles / Cardinals / Chargers / COLTS / Niners / RAIDERS / REDSKINS

Until I can come up with a snappy sign-off for this thing.... lata.

posted by Big D @ 12:00 AM