The best seat in the house is the view from the couch

Thoughts on sports and fantasy football while sitting in the waiting room at the mechanic…

Yes, it’s true. My new car, purchased only weeks ago, has broken down. Twice. Thank god for the warranty. Now, if only the service at Classic Chrysler on Route 44 in Raynham, MA, was any good, maybe I could be writing this column from the comforts of my couch rather than be forced to take the first two days (so far) of my new job off and write a column from their “Businessman’s section” because the service crew here can’t get their heads out of their asses. Bitter? No…

Yes, I will be starting a new job tomorrow (hopefully) within the same company I’ve been working for since late March. More money, more fun, more responsibility. Well, 2 outta 3 ain’t bad...

Alright, onto the column. Let me first say that although my posted mock draft was horribly off in terms of the draft order (A new order was established about an hour after I uploaded my column), the players actually worked their way out pretty effectively. OK, now that that’s off my chest…

This past weekend, two of the 3 fantasy football leagues that I am participating in held their drafts. Would have been all three if not for some last minute schedule changes that forced the third league commissioner to bump the draft back a week, which will cause three of the six league GM’s to miss the upcoming draft.

The NFL.com league that I have played in for the last three seasons is by far the most competitive, probably because it is the only league that requires payment. This year, we decided to try and get everyone together to draft face-to-face. Didn’t quite work out, since our GM’s are spread out all over the country -- four in Hoboken, NJ, two in Boston, myself just south of Boston, two more spread throughout NJ, one in Texas, one in Atlanta and one in D.C. We were successful at getting five GM’s in one war-room in New Jersey and three more in Boston, meaning the other four guys were on their own. Truth be told, one GM skipped the draft altogether, and his team reflects it.

Quick league rules catch-up: 12 teams, three divisions. Head to head competitions, all division winners and one wild-card advance to 2-week playoffs. And, as is required by all state and federal laws governing the situation, my team name is Big D and the Kids Table. I know it’s a blatant rip off of the band, but it’s also a tribute to the fun punk rock stylings of the talented Bostonian group. Our other GM’s, for anonymity’s sake, will be referred to as follows: Irvdawg, Blaze, Chin, WyGuy, Shroom, Tex, Vindian, Bag, Superman, Knob, and The Meis.

So let’s hand out some awards and accolades, shall we?

Best Draft (Players) – Irvdawg, no doubt. Having the first overall pick is usually a burden, since you get the best player available, then NOBODY for 23 more picks. But after Irv and I got lost looking for the Boston war-room, and he actually PHONED IN his first pick from a payphone in Watertown (No, I’m not kidding), he was able to complete perhaps the best overall draft I’ve ever been witness to. He got Priest in the first, Dillon in the second, Chad Johnson in the third, Aaron Brooks in the fourth, and Todd Heap in the fifth. So in the first five rounds (60 picks), with 23 picks in-between his sandwich selections, he was able to nab a top ten performer at QB, WR, TE, and BOTH RB positions. That’s impressive, even if his bench is hurting.

Best Draft (Value) – This goes to Tex. He had a middle of the round pick (6), and was able to tag Clinton Portis. At #6. ?!?>!@?!$. Like I said last week, if I’d ended up #1 overall, I would have had a hard time choosing between Priest, LT, and Portis, and somehow he ended up with Portis falling into his lap at 6. BEHIND Priest, Daunte Culpepper, LT, Ahman Green, and Deuce MacAllister. Wow. But that’s not all. He pulled Rudi Johnson in the second round, which I thought might have been a little high, but time will tell. Then he got Joe Horn third, Shockey fourth, and his starting QB, Jake Plummer (a guy that some experts are predicting to be the league MVP this year) in the SIXTH round. No, I would not have taken Plummer before the sixth either, but Tex had the balls to lay off all the other QB’s and fill-in his roster as needed (Memo – Rams’ D in the fifth? Bad Pick), even though he had PERSONALLY told me that he valued QB’s over RB’s this year. Nice bluff Tex.

Worst Draft (Players) – Knob. Hands down, it’s Knob. This is what happens when you skip the draft, buddy. We had established beforehand that anyone who missed the draft would simply be given the best available player according to NFL.com’s preseason point total predictions at whatever position that GM needed filled. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, since Knob is in my division. I think. I don’t have internet access at the mechanic) this led to Knob getting Jamal Lewis in the second round, Steve McNair in the third, and Marcel Shipp, who is out for the year, in the 8^th. Doesn’t matter, since Knob knows very little about football and rarely checks his team unless we force him to. We actually took his team away from him in the first season and gave it to WyGuy for the last six weeks, since Knob hadn’t changed his lineup in over a month and was starting two guys on injured reserve and a third who had a bye week. This year, Knob’s best player (Lewis) may end up in prison mid-season (of course, the same could be said for almost every NFL player), and his QB probably will be decapitated by about week four (though he’ll only be listed as “Questionable” on the injury sheet and will return to play, headless, in the 2^nd half). And, although Knob has the best WR in the game (Moss, in the first round), he’ll probably decide to quit playing midseason and let it go to waste. Now, the question is, to whom was I referring in that last sentence, Knob or Randy Moss?

Worst Draft (Value) – This could go to a couple of people, myself included. Yes, I took Steven Davis and Fred Taylor 1-2, displaying my skills at drafting the “All Groin-Pull that ends their season Team”, and yes, I was the tool who took the first kicker off the board (but it was Vanderjagt, and it was the 7^th round, and he is projected to more points than about half of the second-tier WR’s, and if I keep talking about it, I might talk myself into believing it was a good pick), and yes, my team is largely dependant on the success of the Patriots, Panthers, Jaguars and Lions, with 8 of my 14 players on those four teams. But no – I’m giving this award (or demerit, I’m not sure which) to the one and only Mr. Blaze. In all fairness, this is Blaze’s first crack at a Fantasy Football team, and he was forced to draft in the same room as fantasy veterans Shroom, Chin, Bag and The Meis, meaning he was probably being fed lousy information and not being talked out of bad decisions. But still, DAUNTE CULPEPPER in the first round, AHEAD of Tomlinson, Portis, Ahman, etc….?!?!?! Blaze had the 2^nd pick, and took Daunte (while Irv and I were still driving around, meaning we didn’t get the bad news for about fifteen more minutes) Other than blowing his first and fourth picks (Cowboys D in the 4^th…) Blaze’s team doesn’t stack up too horribly. He’s got two solid, if not spectacular, RB’s in Kevin Barlow and Marshall Faulk, two decent #1 receivers in Santana Moss and Keyshawn Johnson (predictable picks from the jets’ fan). But he’s got a thin bench and a weak TE/K setup (Freddie Jones and Matt Stover). Unfortunately, he’s not in my division.

Most Predictable – Is there anything more predictable than a big jets’ fan taking a couple of their best all-time receivers? Yes. A Giants’ fan using his last two picks on a backup running back and a #2 receiver. Bag used picks 13 and 14 on Ron Dayne and Ike Hilliard, the latter of which is probably going to end up as a very good pick.

Biggest Surprise – Chin not using his final pick to take his lover Wayne Chrebet off the board, just as a “thank you” for all of his years of service to jets’ nation, and instead taking Erron Kinney. Sorry bud, I had to.

Best Moment – After Bag took Travis Henry as his #1 RB in the third round (This is what happens when you go QB and WR in the first two rounds), ESPN showed highlights of Saturday’s Bills preseason game, and showed Henry going down to injury. With the VERY NEXT PICK, Superman jumped in and grabbed Willis McGahee in the 10^th round. Guess he was watching the same show.

Runner-up: Irv and I calling in Priest Holmes as the first overall selection during a deluge from a payphone in Watertown. That moment will go down as one of the greats in fantasy football history.

So now that we’ve handed out the awards, let me bring you up to speed on my team. First, let it be known that I had the ninth position in the draft, meaning I was getting shafted six ways to Sunday. No marquis RB’s available, but still enough talent at the position that I couldn’t pass it up and take a QB or WR.

No, I didn’t fall asleep after the seventh round (Although I did miss Bubba Franks as a Tight End – Chin got him in the 10^th), and no, the large quantities of alcohol did not influence my decision to take Steven Davis #1 over Randy Moss, Michael Vick, and Donovan McNabb, the three first round selections after mine. I’m actually pretty pleased with my team overall. I like my two RB’s as both being solid, if not spectacular. Every scout and expert I’ve heard/read has said that Tom Brady looks ten times better than last year, when he was playing with a shoulder in so much pain that he couldn’t lift weights at all and had serious trouble following through his passes – one scout this year said that in the span of 25 throws, he only saw two that didn’t hit the receiver in stride and right on the hands.

The Panthers defense shouldn’t have any trouble with the Bucs or Saints, although the Falcons may prove a challenge -- but if necessary, I can play the Jags - #3 defense last year behind Carolina and New England. Amani Toomer is recovered from the injury that cost him much of last year, Vanderjagt is automatic and projects to about 150 points on NFL.com scoring system – more than Steve Smith, Plaxico Burress, Donte Stallworth, Eric Moulds, Chris Chambers, Keyshawn Johnson, Tony Gonzalez or Rod Smith. I took a flier on Onterrio Smith with the hopes that when he gets back from his 4-game drug suspension he can take over the #1 spot from Michael Bennett, but in the 13^th round, there was only one player I seriously considered ahead of him (Jerry Rice, who went with the next pick. Unbelievable that the best WR ever now goes in the 13^th round of a fantasy draft. Guess that’s what age and a healthy Jerry Porter can do to you…).

And like I said in the last couple of columns, I’m expecting big things in Detroit, which means big things out of Joey Harrington and Kevin Jones. I just missed out on both Charles Rogers and Roy Williams, by a total of five draft spots combined (3 late for Rogers and 2 for Williams), but I got Jones, who I think will end up as the second best rookie in this class, behind Kellen Winslow Jr. (4^th round to WyGuy)

The rest of the team is basically a crapshoot, but, as with all fantasy football drafts, anything after round six or seven is a toss-up.

Well, it’s been two hours, and my car still isn’t done. Guess I’ll go sit in the waiting area for non-business types and watch some Olympic coverage. Man, I totally spaced on the Olympics this year – am I the only one? Oh well, that’s a column for another day.

This weekend, I’ll be attending the final round of the Buick Open just outside of Hartford, the first time I’ve ever gone to a live PGA tournament. I’ll be following Tiger Woods around for 18 holes, looking for his girlfriend and trying to figure out if his slice is now worse than mine. Eh, considering the life he lives, I’m sure he’s not worried about having a 300-yard slice on a 250 yard drive. At least not until Ms, Nordigren leaves him for Lefty (and by “Lefty”, I of course mean myself... yeah, I can dream).

posted by Big D @ 12:00 AM