The best seat in the house is the view from the couch

As you can probably guess, today’s column is going to deal with, among other things, the NHL lockout which was announced earlier today, to absolutely no one’s surprise.

As I’ve said many times before, I do not hate hockey; in fact, I really like the sport. It’s fast – paced, it’s tough and violent, and it takes an unbelievable athlete to compete successfully on the highest stage. Plus, the Stanley Cup is, by far, the coolest trophy EVER.

But all of that aside, the NHL is about to go away for a long, long time, and that’s a shame. The National Hockey League had almost pulled itself ahead of the NBA about five years ago in terms of US popularity and television ratings. The NBA had no Jordan, no LeBron, and Shaq & Kobe were getting along; there was nothing to cheer for or against. The NHL had an opportunity to amp up their marketing campaigns, tone down on the over-expansion that was diluting the league, and really cement their place in the United States as the “up-and-coming” sport that had actually been around for about 50 years.

Instead, they expanded again (twice, in fact!), marketed even more poorly, and signed a television contract with the only network that had recently moved away from the big four sports on television (ABC) because they, along with subsidiary ESPN, offered a lot more money than anyone else. (ABC later signed a long-term deal with the NBA, and stunningly, the Association’s TV ratings, much like those of the NHL, bottomed out shortly thereafter. Aside from Monday Night Football, ABC has really lost the ability to create quality sports programming. Talk about the agony of defeat...)

Undaunted, the NHL continued to plug away with a league comprised of teams people couldn’t name, players whose names the average fan couldn’t pronounce, and they wondered why the ratings were so gawd-awful. Then, they had they had the gall to ignore the perfectly schemed up outdoors game between the Canadians and Oilers, and followed up that idiocy by unleashing the “NHL: Made in America – Delivered on Thursdays” marketing campaign that probably drove away what little fan base was left.

So today’s news of a lockout really isn’t that “out-of-the-blue” to most people who follow the sport with even a modicum of interest. We saw it coming, we prepared for it, and we’ll survive without it. And, as is always the case in labor disputes between millionaire players and billionaire owners, the fans are the ones left holding the bag.

Personally, I’m flabbergasted that the owners are trying to make us swallow the line that a salary cap will cure all of the leagues ills. It won’t. What will is a contraction of probably 4-6 teams, maybe as many as 8. What will is a switch to international rules that would not only open up the game and possibly make it easier for casual fans to follow, but it would also make the game more appealing to fans outside of the United States (Gee, there’s a novel concept) and also allow US players to be more prepared for the Olympics.

A salary cap won’t hurt the game, no matter what the players think. What it will do is force GM’s to be more creative and sign players to deals that might actually be affordable to any team in the league. Again, “parity” – there’s a new idea. Right now, Colorado, Detroit, New York, Dallas, and New Jersey are about the only teams that can afford to sign marquis players year after year, and none of them is to the NHL what the Yankees or Mavericks are to their respective sports. The rest of the teams – yes, Boston included – choose to pare salaries most years, resulting in little to no parity between teams. Pittsburgh – PITTSBURGH! – is considering dissolving the franchise due to money issues, as is Chicago and a host of other big-market teams. If Chicago, which is an original six franchise, is dissolved, that may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I hope that those of you who enjoy the sport caught the finals of the World Cup of Hockey the other night, because it’s looking more and more like that’s going to be the last professional hockey we see in this country for a year, maybe two, maybe more. And that’s just plain sad.

Now, onto topic #2 for today. This may not interest all of you, and some people have actually formed strong opinions on the subject of the story, but to me, it’s fascinating.

I’ve been a fan of the TV Show “Jeopardy!” since I was about five years old. My mother used to turn it on to encourage me to learn new stuff, and it worked. By the time I was ten I could question an average of about 30 of the 61 answers on the board, and even applied on the show (three years too young, DAMNIT!) Because of my early childhood fascination with the show, I can usually crack the 40 question mark, and I now have a wealth of useless knowledge in my head that would rival that of any person in this country.

Any person, that is, but one.

Listen, I don’t want to brag, but anyone who knows me well (and if you’re reading this column, you know me well), has probably already discovered this fact. I’m a genius. Seriously. My IQ is somewhere in the range of 160-180, depending on how many beers I’ve had during the day. But the Jeopardy Guy – Ken Jennings from Salt Lake City, Utah, is not a genius. Hell, he’s not even human; he’s just a friggin’ trivia machine.

That goofy looking Mormon did it again tonight, albeit questioning the final Jeopardy answer incorrect (a question that yours truly got right – “Who is King George the third?”... take that you Mormon doofus.) But even I am in awe of the precision with which he cuts through the challengers to his throne.

That’s why the news a few days back from a “Jeopardy!” spoiler was so uplifting – THE KING IS DEAD! According to the spoiler (by the way, how sad is it that there’s an actual Jeopardy! Spoiler?), Jennings lost during the filming of his 76^th episode, after winning 75 straight games he finally blew it. It gives me hope that when my name is finally called, I won’t have to compete with him.

Honestly, I wonder what they do when he loses? Is there a hush akin to the one that befell Dodger Stadium after Eric Gagne blew his first save in 86 chances? Think the live studio audience gives him a standing ovation, a la Doyle Brunson at this year’s World Series of Poker – an acknowledgement of all that Mr. Jennings has done to bring a faltering TV game show back into the American spotlight? Maybe they play a musical montage of all the categories that he has cut through like a hot knife through butter. Trust me; there won’t be any sports categories in that little memoir.

Better yet, how long until the book deal comes out? Or until he gets his own reality show? Maybe they could bring back “Win Ben Stein’s Money”, but use Jennings and the $1.5M he’s won so far ($1,555,061 over 45+ wins after tonight, to be exact).

I really hope that the guy is legit; that the rumors of Jennings being fed the answers or of other contestant’s buzzers are randomly being locked out are not true. The guy seems nice enough, if a little caught up in his success. He’s even promised to be a good Mormon and tithe 10% of the money makes to the church (talk about a big fan club...). Maybe he’s just got a mind like a steel trap, like Rosie Perez’ character in “White Men Can’t Jump” (The most annoying female character I’ve ever watched, though I’ve never sat through all of Godfather III).

I guess we’ll have to wait for the category of “Foods that start with ‘Q’” to be certain...

Onto football. I started off the 2004 season with a whimper last week, going a solid 8-7-1, though I went 11-5 to win my office pool which doesn’t pick using the spread. The Pats saved my ass by saving a push. Actually, Mike Vanderjagt’s missed figgie was both a blessing and a curse for me this week. By missing the kick, he gave the Pats the win, and preserved a push and a winning record. But he’s also my fantasy kicker, and the five points I would’ve gotten would have given me the win instead of the 82-82 tie I had instead. Somebody check Mikey boy into AA for me, would’ya?

Lines from www.betonsports.com on September 15^th at 10PM:

Broncos (-3) over JAGUARS: So, is it the player or the system? My vote is for the system, since Quentin Griffin ran like a MADMAN (yes, it was against the Chiefs), while Clinton Portis only ran like a madman. If that makes sense. Anyway, the Jags are my AFC sleeper this year, so this game might get a little closer than it probably should be.

RAVENS (-4) over Steelers: Like I said before, just imagine if the Ravens had been able to keep Terrell Owens or if they had gotten Kerry Collins... This team needs offense in the worst way. The Steelers were a pretty nice surprise putting up 24 against a decent, if not great Raiders defense last week. Don’t look for them to put up more than 13 against Baltimore.

LIONS (-3) over Texans: Any team that loses to the Chargers this year will truly find what they’re made of the next week. If the Texans come out as flat against Detroit as they did against San Diego, they can basically kiss their season goodbye. Pressure’s on Detroit in this game – home opener, down one young star receiver, solid defense and a very above average offense on the other side of the field, this will be a fun game to watch...

Colts (+1.5) over TITANS: Talk about a fun game to watch – how Indy is the underdog here I really don’t know. I hate betting against Steve McNair, especially when he’s playing at home, against a team with such a low collective self-worth that it’s borderline suicidal. But the Colts are going to bounce back to have another good year, at least until they have to play in Foxboro again.

Redskins (-3) over GIANTS: Has Eli Manning’s head stopped spinning yet? My GAWD that was a hit! I’d actually be a bit more worried about the shot Jeff Feagles took during punt coverage – I’d swear he was unconscious for a few seconds on the ground. ACTUALLY, I’d be more concerned that Kurt Warner is still the Giants starting QB, or that the Giants’ run defense looked like a sieve that turned Brian Westbrook into a great running back, if only for a day. Just imagine what Mr. Portis will do.

49ers (+7.5) over SAINTS: Upset of the week here. This pick should net you some good money, especially if you strap on a big enough set to parlay it with a winnable game (Say, Pats over Cards)... The Saints looked vulnerable to just about every form of offense against Seattle, and although the Niners’ defense is young and lousy, their offense actually didn’t look horrible against a pretty good Falcons’ D. They might just surprise some people and make this interesting, if not win it outright. Plus, the fact that New Orleans should be under about 12 feet of water will make the game fun to watch, if not play.

Rams (+2.5) over FALCONS: The more I look at this pick, the more I want to take Atlanta. They didn’t dominate San Francisco last week – a team they should have had no trouble with. But then again, St. Louis wasn’t exactly stellar against Arizona, coming from behind to get a 7 point win. Personally, I’ll take the Rams and their offense indoors any day (unless, of course, they’re playing the Pats...)

Browns (+4) over COWBOYS: 3 underdogs in a row? Wow... Anyway, Dallas looked abysmal in every facet of the game last week, and I like the way Cleveland stepped up and handed the Ravens their hats in a big home opener. Butch Davis really needs a good year to save his job and get another shot at completing the Browns’ rebuilding – a 2-0 start will go a long way towards that goal.

Patriots (-8) over CARDINALS: I refuse to put any kind of money on this game. I don’t like betting on Pats’ games, and I HATE betting on Cardinals games. I don’t feel like looking at the numbers, but I’m something like 3-7 in games I’ve picked involving the Cards since I’ve been handicapping. Anyway, the Pats will win this game, handily. And if they don’t, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

RAIDERS (-3.5) against Bills: This game really bothers me. It’s a small spread against two teams that took bad losses in week one. In this case, I’m looking at which team is traveling the farthest, and although it’s technically Oakland (CA to PA to CA), I’m taking the Raiders because they got to fly on Monday while Buffalo has to go from upstate NY, and current high temps of about 65, across the country to Oakland, and their current temperatures of around 80. Well that, plus Drew Bledsoe is always a factor.

Jets (-3) over CHARGERS: Well, as our fearless President would, and (sadly) did recently say, this one is “just common-sensical”. Yikes – when’s the election again? Anyway, the Jets looked absolutely dominant against the Bengals last week, and there’s nothing here to say they can’t be again. Tomlinson will probably have a big day, but really – when’s the last time he didn’t have a big day?

BENGALS (-4.5) over Dolphins: Boy, it’s a good thing they bumped up the Dolphins/Titans’ game last week in case Ivan hit the state... Well, Ivan is hitting Florida, as I type this, FOUR DAYS LATER. Eh, wouldn’t have made a difference, the Dolphins still would’ve sucked, and the fans still would’ve evacuated the area. The Bengals played very well last week, and Carson Palmer really impressed me with his poise and pocket presence. I may have been wrong about him.

Bears (+8.5) over PACKERS: It’s not the teams, it’s the line. Chicago didn’t look all that bad against Detroit last week, and I think they could give Green Bay a fight. The Pack, on the other hand, benefited from a couple of costly Carolina turnovers and gained some great field position, leading to a couple of easy scores. And, on a personal note, I picked the final score of the MNF game (24-14) exactly right in my office pool to win the tiebreaker, even though I had Carolina winning. Pretty proud of that one.

CHIEFS (-4.5) over Panthers: KC’s defense doesn’t have to be even average in this one, if last week is any indication. Their offense is still superb, and Carolina didn’t look like they could do a whole lot against a below average defense in Green Bay. In fact, the Panthers only rushed for 38 yards as a team against a Packers team that was very middle-of-the-pack (no pun intended) in total yards allowed last year. Watch out for Priest, he’ll go nuts...

BUCS (-1.5) over Seattle: Yeah, I know Seattle is a Cinderella pick for everyone this year. But the Bucs were embarrassed last week, and that won’t happen again. Plus, Shawn Alexander is not going to run like that every week, especially not if his knee injury is as bad as it looked on TV. Bucs win a close one, probably by no more than six.

EAGLES (-3.5) over Vikings: Now THIS game scares me. This is going to be a clash of catastrophic proportions. It also could give you a nice payday if you play your wagers right. The Eagles were absolutely dominant over the Giants, but it was the Giants. The Vikings completely dismantled the Cowboys in every way possible, but it was the Cowboys. In the end, I think the Eagles defensive line will provide enough of a pass rush to slow down Daunte Culpepper, but I believe Onterrio Smith will run for about a buck and a half and two scores. The Vikes’ D is good, but McNabb to TO is a powerful combination. Not Culpepper to Moss or Peyton to Marvin, but powerful nonetheless.

Recap: Broncos / RAVENS / LIONS / Colts / Redskins / Niners / Rams / Browns / Patriots / RAIDERS / Jets / BENGALS / Bears / CHIEFS / BUCS / EAGLES

posted by Big D @ 12:00 AM